It has been 12 years.
I can remember it clearly. I was on my way to work, with the kiddo in the backseat when I answered that call. Even though it has been 12 years, it feels deeper, bigger, and more raw.
The past few months, I have been noticing a lot more emotion and processing of emotion in my life. I am making connections and seeing "hurts" and am understanding those "triggers" more that have been relevant in my life. I am not sure why these feelings are suddenly coming up, but healing is good, right? Processing is good.
So I keep telling myself.
It IS good. Don't get me wrong.
But is it rough. Taxing. Draining.
Healing takes time and can be a little annoying, in all honesty. But here we are.
Back to Jan 24. When that phone call came in. My dad passed in a hospital in Florida, hundred of miles from home. My whole world changed in that brief moment.
For months, I had to help my mom process the grief, plan, purge, and deal with all the estate things that were then put into motion. I felt like there was a lot of responsibility that was now on my shoulders. While I felt capable and competent, it was a lot. to manage. My daughter was six, or maybe just barely turned 7 the day before the call that shook me.
Since it has been 12 years from my father's death, and 3 years since my mom's, I think I am finally able to breathe and process. I am not having to hold and carry all the emotions and finally process and release all that I have been holding for who knows how long.
Grief is always an ebb and flow. Often we think that grief is for a few months, maybe a few years. But true grief can be for a lifetime. It just changes and looks different. It is always a process and an opportunity to allow growth. Emotional processing. Healing.
What has your experience been with grief?